last night about 12am i heard some shouting in my neighborhood which is usually quiet and peaceful. i walked to the bottom of my driveway and saw 3 people. a man was threatening to kill this other man because he supposely slept with the wife. there was some pushing and then the husband pushed his wife down and i dialed 911. the police patroled the the street and then about 15 minutes later they booked it through my neighborhood with sirens and everything. i hope everything worked out ok.
now my asshole of a landlord is putting in blinds in my apartment and in the meanwhile he is looking through our cabinets and drawers for a knife and then using my windex. when i asked him if the windex was his he stopped and said no and then i told hime how rude it was for him to go through my things. he tried in a lame-ass way to justify it but i squashed it. i think its rude for people to just go through another person's things. am i wrong??
i don't get people who have no manners or common descency.
3.31.2006
3.27.2006
out there by the blake babies
You drive around aimlessly.
Don’t know what you hope to see.
You know it’s stupid.
I see you when I pass you by.
I’m afraid to meet your eye.
I know it’s stupid.
You have a voice, you have a phone,
But you’re usually alone.
You know it’s stupid.
I have a body and a brain,
But I turn them off again...again.
I know it’s stupid.
There’s nothin’ to do.I
t’s so hard to talk to you
And people never do what they want to.
I don’t know what and I don’t know where,
But I know it’s out there.
It must be out there somewhere.
I’m gonna leave this place.
Gonna’ leave this life of waste.
Gonna’ put on a new face.
Where was I before?
I’m not there anymore.
Went away and tried to come back.
Maybe I shouldn’t have done that.
There’s nothin’ to do.
It’s so hard to talk to you
And people never do what they want to.
I don’t know what and I don’t know where,
But I know it’s out there.
It must be out there somewhere.
There’s nothin’ to do.
It’s so hard to talk to you
And people never do what they want to.
I don’t know what and I don’t know where.
There’s nothing out there.
It’s not out there anywhere.
I’m gonna’ leave this town.
Gonna’ leave it like I found it.
Gonna’ turn myself around.
Don’t know what you hope to see.
You know it’s stupid.
I see you when I pass you by.
I’m afraid to meet your eye.
I know it’s stupid.
You have a voice, you have a phone,
But you’re usually alone.
You know it’s stupid.
I have a body and a brain,
But I turn them off again...again.
I know it’s stupid.
There’s nothin’ to do.I
t’s so hard to talk to you
And people never do what they want to.
I don’t know what and I don’t know where,
But I know it’s out there.
It must be out there somewhere.
I’m gonna leave this place.
Gonna’ leave this life of waste.
Gonna’ put on a new face.
Where was I before?
I’m not there anymore.
Went away and tried to come back.
Maybe I shouldn’t have done that.
There’s nothin’ to do.
It’s so hard to talk to you
And people never do what they want to.
I don’t know what and I don’t know where,
But I know it’s out there.
It must be out there somewhere.
There’s nothin’ to do.
It’s so hard to talk to you
And people never do what they want to.
I don’t know what and I don’t know where.
There’s nothing out there.
It’s not out there anywhere.
I’m gonna’ leave this town.
Gonna’ leave it like I found it.
Gonna’ turn myself around.
3.25.2006
bothered.
i've been feeling a little blue lately. at first i couldn't figure it out mainly cos in my life i have gone through blue periods that i had nothing to be blue about. i don't really now. i have a house, a job, some money, two adorable kitty cats and my parents, friends and someone who loves me and whom i love back. but something is always amiss. maybe its the love that i give and is given to that makes me saddened. this love i think will never go beyond what we have now. i want so much more. i suppose the rainy-ish weather is to blame as well. who knows actually.
online classes start in a week. i'm psyched about it so that it'll keep me busy for a while. i feel so alone sometimes. like i could be sitting next to someone and feel like an island in the middle of the ocean surrounded by nothing but blue. blue ocean, blue sky. inside i feel so alone.
"nobody knows me. god knows they try" 'medicated magdalene' michelle malone
online classes start in a week. i'm psyched about it so that it'll keep me busy for a while. i feel so alone sometimes. like i could be sitting next to someone and feel like an island in the middle of the ocean surrounded by nothing but blue. blue ocean, blue sky. inside i feel so alone.
"nobody knows me. god knows they try" 'medicated magdalene' michelle malone
3.23.2006
letters.
so here are two things that i have acquired as of recent:
a stationary basket and a fountain pen box. all in the Victorian style.
so here is a dilemna, who is it that i shall write to?? i suddenly realized that i have no real keeper of my thoughts (besides myself). i did but i think that my membership has lapsed and she has a busy life anyhow. but is that a real excuse for not contacting one's friends? perhaps it is maybe that my life is too lax. i have somewhat an incredible amount of time to putter around writing people. but it is a waste of stamps when people don't write back. sorry to gripe. this knowing makes me sad. i am back to me once again.
3.15.2006
films, part 2.
i saw two more films.
1. Wedding Crashers: lewd and funny. very funny.
2. Imagine You & Me: what can i say about this movie that i didn't love. it was sweet lesbian movie where in this case the girl did ditch her husband for the girl. now when does that ever happen.
it was a sweet romance that followed the typical lesbian romance recipe: str8 girl sees gay girl, str8 girl has infatuated crush on gay girl, gay girl falls for str8 girl, str8 girl tries to deal with feelings for gay girl, str8 girl tells husband about feelings for gay girl, husband leaves str8 girl and str8 girl begins love with gay girl. and somewhere in the middle they kiss and make out. everyone should see this if you are of the GLBT persuasion.
1. Wedding Crashers: lewd and funny. very funny.
2. Imagine You & Me: what can i say about this movie that i didn't love. it was sweet lesbian movie where in this case the girl did ditch her husband for the girl. now when does that ever happen.
it was a sweet romance that followed the typical lesbian romance recipe: str8 girl sees gay girl, str8 girl has infatuated crush on gay girl, gay girl falls for str8 girl, str8 girl tries to deal with feelings for gay girl, str8 girl tells husband about feelings for gay girl, husband leaves str8 girl and str8 girl begins love with gay girl. and somewhere in the middle they kiss and make out. everyone should see this if you are of the GLBT persuasion.
3.14.2006
films.
blue train- john coltrane
films i've watched in the last two days:
1. Rent: it was ok though 45 min into it i got bored and found out that i am not so much into the musical/movie genre, i.e. Chicago.
2. Hustle & Flow: it was good, i think the media hyped it up to be a much better movie than it was. good music though
3. Prime: a cute and funny romantic comedy. i liked it.
4. Two for the Money: a good movie, basically what it boils down to is that one shouldn't try to be someone they are not.
5. Walk the Line: if you don't like country music, you will after seeing this. it's a great movie with great performances and storyline.
6. Lord of War: who knew arms dealing was so crazy and hardcore and a bullshitting kind of job!
films i've watched in the last two days:
1. Rent: it was ok though 45 min into it i got bored and found out that i am not so much into the musical/movie genre, i.e. Chicago.
2. Hustle & Flow: it was good, i think the media hyped it up to be a much better movie than it was. good music though
3. Prime: a cute and funny romantic comedy. i liked it.
4. Two for the Money: a good movie, basically what it boils down to is that one shouldn't try to be someone they are not.
5. Walk the Line: if you don't like country music, you will after seeing this. it's a great movie with great performances and storyline.
6. Lord of War: who knew arms dealing was so crazy and hardcore and a bullshitting kind of job!
3.10.2006
more.
my wish is tobe able to write like the tori amos, sylvia plath, leslea newman, david sedaris and jim carroll. to be able to reach down deep inside to a place that hurts and bleeds and becomes crushingly happy and painstakingly in love. to give the whole truth and nothing else. to live by it and just write out your heart and soul. to give myself, all of myself until there is nothing left and then wring myself out to squeeze out every last drop like a lemon. bitter and sweet and sour. and then after i am all squeezed, i still come out writing more and more. there will always be more. but i don't really need to write like anyone else but myself.
3.09.2006
books.
xm 90's alternative
so here is a debate i heard when watching CNN tonight:
Q: if a man and a woman make a baby through unprotected sex, should the man be able to decide if he wants or doesn't want to support a child?
A: (my answer) i think if you are willing to have sex with a woman, unprotected, then you should have to own up to the consequences that follow. this is a clear consequence of that situation and the result of a man's unmanliness to own up to his mistakes and effects.
ok thats my little political thing. other than that, everything here is ok. work has again resumed at a sloooooooow pace. i'm bored to death of my everyday routine. but all will change as it always does. i have nothing to really share so i will go. aloha!
so here is a debate i heard when watching CNN tonight:
Q: if a man and a woman make a baby through unprotected sex, should the man be able to decide if he wants or doesn't want to support a child?
A: (my answer) i think if you are willing to have sex with a woman, unprotected, then you should have to own up to the consequences that follow. this is a clear consequence of that situation and the result of a man's unmanliness to own up to his mistakes and effects.
ok thats my little political thing. other than that, everything here is ok. work has again resumed at a sloooooooow pace. i'm bored to death of my everyday routine. but all will change as it always does. i have nothing to really share so i will go. aloha!
3.02.2006
the first day back.
[bring me to life]: evanescence
it was a very weird day. i felt like i had to constantly watch my back. make sure i made no mistakes. i still feel hurt and backstabbed and fucked over. i'm extremely sad and thinking those thoughts again. whats the point of all this, if the same results happen in every diff situation??i just don't get it.
it was a very weird day. i felt like i had to constantly watch my back. make sure i made no mistakes. i still feel hurt and backstabbed and fucked over. i'm extremely sad and thinking those thoughts again. whats the point of all this, if the same results happen in every diff situation??i just don't get it.
3.01.2006
worse to good.
[wash my hands]: meredith brooks
so here are some fun updates: the day after i did get my kick-ass planner from the library. after 6 days or so of sitting around and looking for work, my "job" called me this morning and said that i had my job back. and i start tomorrow. i am happy but a bit hurt and saddenned. this week was a HARDCORE rollercoaster ride.
but i'm ok now. i think i did lose weight with the worrying, stress and depression that hit me all at once. the ride is over and i'm getting off!
so here are some fun updates: the day after i did get my kick-ass planner from the library. after 6 days or so of sitting around and looking for work, my "job" called me this morning and said that i had my job back. and i start tomorrow. i am happy but a bit hurt and saddenned. this week was a HARDCORE rollercoaster ride.
but i'm ok now. i think i did lose weight with the worrying, stress and depression that hit me all at once. the ride is over and i'm getting off!
2.23.2006
bad to worse.
i had a HORRENDOUS day today. all was ok until i was about to leave to go home and then i got written up and suspended on some stupid and untrue accusations. they are not true. but i am suspended until further notice. so i'm mad, sad and feel like sh*t. only to make matters worse, i just saw that i had dropped my dayplanner in the library slot after the write up incident. i guess i was so POed that i dropped EVERYTHING into the slot. which at the time i was wondering why my backpack was extremely light. but i wanted to go home. so i'm worried cos my LIFE is in that. my addresses and the such. i hope its there. so that means i have to go there tomorrow to pick up my stuff. can anything else bad happen??
2.13.2006
a busy week.
[fever]- ella fitzgerald
ok so this week was a busy one. the sunday before yesterday i painted a bedroom, then there was work and more work. on wednesday there were the Grammy's with a KICK-ASS performance by the great Madonna (i am now hooked on her new album). Thursday i went home early due to a bad migraine at work and made about 3 cd's. Friday was the day of fun, Olympic Ceremony time! i cried again as the athlete shuffled past the spectators and when i saw N. and S. Korea march as one i lost it (again!). Saturday was work and so was Sunday. Sunday night i went shopping for a few clothing items mainly Billabong tshirts for the faux surfer in me. then today i slept (i've been sleeping a lot lately, which isn't normal for me) a few hours and then watched some tv, started laundry and cleaning out my closet and drawers. then tomorrow i work and start another work week!
fun trivia fact: the t-shirt (as we know it today) was first popularized during WWI and then WWII. in the 1950's it became a cultural phenomenom by the likes of Marlon Brando and James Dean. for women, it was popularized in the 1960's during the "sexual revolution". t-shirts were made for the Navy dept. but then in the 1930's companies such as Sears, Hanes and Fruit of the Loom made the shirts.
ok so this week was a busy one. the sunday before yesterday i painted a bedroom, then there was work and more work. on wednesday there were the Grammy's with a KICK-ASS performance by the great Madonna (i am now hooked on her new album). Thursday i went home early due to a bad migraine at work and made about 3 cd's. Friday was the day of fun, Olympic Ceremony time! i cried again as the athlete shuffled past the spectators and when i saw N. and S. Korea march as one i lost it (again!). Saturday was work and so was Sunday. Sunday night i went shopping for a few clothing items mainly Billabong tshirts for the faux surfer in me. then today i slept (i've been sleeping a lot lately, which isn't normal for me) a few hours and then watched some tv, started laundry and cleaning out my closet and drawers. then tomorrow i work and start another work week!
fun trivia fact: the t-shirt (as we know it today) was first popularized during WWI and then WWII. in the 1950's it became a cultural phenomenom by the likes of Marlon Brando and James Dean. for women, it was popularized in the 1960's during the "sexual revolution". t-shirts were made for the Navy dept. but then in the 1930's companies such as Sears, Hanes and Fruit of the Loom made the shirts.
2.04.2006
truths.
ok so i am not officially moving as of yet or anytime soon. instead i have traded in a plane ticket and a moving truck for a car (in the near future) and going to MCC in the fall. maybe i'll be that sexy librarian that everyone imgines me to be. or at least the one that i imagine. with all of that out of the way, i'd like to say that i am starting on a project of painting my apartment (with help) starting this monday. the color schemes are cream color in the living area and halls and kitchen and then in the bedrooms and bathroom a nice light jade green color. hopefully if this doesn;t prove to be disasterous pictures will be forthcoming! other than that i am doing ok. i've felt a bit emotionally unbalanced for a bit but i think i'm ok now. i love you all!!
a bientot!
a bientot!
1.18.2006
dream on.
i'm getting closer and closer to realizing my want. but also closer to hurting someone that needs me but not necessarily wants me. i feel bad for hurting someone, i don't like hurting people but i have to do this or else i'll be stuck in this hell of an island. i hate it here and loathe that i have to work where i do. i need some wide open spaces. i liked the feel of the crisp cold air against my face. its cold but a great change from 80* everyday. someone has to get hurt no matter how i cushion it with words.
1.14.2006
and we also went to a Native American Museum/ Cultural Center in Pendleton, Ore today. it was so beautiful and sad. visit it here: http://www.umatilla.nsn.us/ they are the Umatilla, Walla Walla and Cayuse tribes that live on the reservation.
1893.
this week in WA has been quite magical. my dad and i did a lot of driving around the countryside with rolling hills in cold 40* weather. the light and dark landscapes were like a painting with the sun shining through the clouds. i saw many a farm, some small with horses and some big with horses and cows, bulls, etc. i also so some deers, wild turkeys, plenty of dogs, chickens and cranes. it was so nice to get back to nature. i saw the Columbia and Snake Rivers winding through the coutryside. i visited two colleges, saw 2 bookstores, was driven for hours, ate 3 square meals a day with almost no caffeine and felt slightly sluggish, walked atop the Whitman Mission Memorial and had a fantastic view of the snow-capped mountains and rolling hills.
then it happened. my parents saw a small farm house they want to buy that dates from 1893, original house, and i fell in love with WA state. i believe that 2006 is my year!
then it happened. my parents saw a small farm house they want to buy that dates from 1893, original house, and i fell in love with WA state. i believe that 2006 is my year!
1.12.2006
freeway by linda perry
Can you see me
In the garden
Watering flowers all night long
Taking care of what you neglected
And I do it with a happy song
Can you feel your guardian angel
Guiding you so patiently
And you wonder if you're in heaven
‘cause you move so gracefully
Welcome tomorrow
Where we flow us gently
Didn't we know
Didn't we feel it
The time to seems to stop
Outside our window
And we ride, down the freeway
Hoping to express our religion
To be free
Of everything
With my friends, sitting around drinking
Talking about how life is much too long
How some days everything's just so right
And the next day everything just seems so wrong
Laughing while complaining
But having a good time
it didn't really matter
Welcome tomorrow
Where we flow us gently
At two O'Clock in the morning
The lights go on
It's time for us to go
And the last thing I can remember,
Was an angel guiding us right through the door
Yeah, Yeah
Laughing while complaining
But having a good time
it didn't really matter
it really doesn't matter
Welcome tomorrow
Where we flow us gently
Didn't we knowDidn't we feel it
The time to seems to stop
Outside our window
And we ride, down the freeway
Hoping to express our religion
Didn't we know
Didn't we feel it
The time to seems to stop
Outside our window
And we run down the freeway
Didn't we know
Didn't we feel it
How time it seems to stop
Outside our window
And we run, down the freeway
Hoping to express our religion
To be free, Of everything
Of everything, Yeah
In the garden
Watering flowers all night long
Taking care of what you neglected
And I do it with a happy song
Can you feel your guardian angel
Guiding you so patiently
And you wonder if you're in heaven
‘cause you move so gracefully
Welcome tomorrow
Where we flow us gently
Didn't we know
Didn't we feel it
The time to seems to stop
Outside our window
And we ride, down the freeway
Hoping to express our religion
To be free
Of everything
With my friends, sitting around drinking
Talking about how life is much too long
How some days everything's just so right
And the next day everything just seems so wrong
Laughing while complaining
But having a good time
it didn't really matter
Welcome tomorrow
Where we flow us gently
At two O'Clock in the morning
The lights go on
It's time for us to go
And the last thing I can remember,
Was an angel guiding us right through the door
Yeah, Yeah
Laughing while complaining
But having a good time
it didn't really matter
it really doesn't matter
Welcome tomorrow
Where we flow us gently
Didn't we knowDidn't we feel it
The time to seems to stop
Outside our window
And we ride, down the freeway
Hoping to express our religion
Didn't we know
Didn't we feel it
The time to seems to stop
Outside our window
And we run down the freeway
Didn't we know
Didn't we feel it
How time it seems to stop
Outside our window
And we run, down the freeway
Hoping to express our religion
To be free, Of everything
Of everything, Yeah
1.10.2006
ordinary people by john legend
Girl im in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday
[Bridge]
I know i misbehave
And you made your mistakes
And we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow
[Chorus]
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow
This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
We head back to hell again
We kiss and we make up on the way
[Bridge]
I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
But as our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay
[Chorus]
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow
Take it slow
Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave, maybe you'll return
Maybe you'll never find
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
We never know baby youuuu and I
[Chorus]
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go(hey)
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow
(Heyyy) We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow take it sloww take it slow this time we'll take it slow take
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday
[Bridge]
I know i misbehave
And you made your mistakes
And we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow
[Chorus]
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow
This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
We head back to hell again
We kiss and we make up on the way
[Bridge]
I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
But as our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay
[Chorus]
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow
Take it slow
Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave, maybe you'll return
Maybe you'll never find
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
We never know baby youuuu and I
[Chorus]
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go(hey)
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow
(Heyyy) We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow take it sloww take it slow this time we'll take it slow take
1.07.2006
leaving on a jet plane.
today is the day that i start my vaca. i'm excited with butterflies in my tummy and am all packed and all i have to do is shower and dress and head out the door. last night was an amazing night....i felt so disconnected for so long and it was just nice. not to say that the same old problems don't exist. they are still there. but it was a great way to start my vacation. it'll be a nice i'm-freezing-my-ass-off change. i will update from time to time while away. wish me luck on my trip!!
1.03.2006
where do i begin.
i'm almost finished with my alice in chains cd compilation. next is black sabbath. now i can listen to some heavy music while i sort out my distressing life. boredom mixed with no passion. feel empty inside. i need to fill myself with sunlight and warmth. not this eternal winter of cold steel. i know that the best has been given. i can't ask for anymore than what i have. i can't give anymore that what i've given. i'm completely empty and bone dry. so how do i pick up the pieces to move? i think i will check out therapy. it really couldn't hurt. maybe it'll revive the girl inside of me, of who i used to be. maybe i'll come out of this. or maybe i'm too damaged to fix. all of these maybe babies. i know that this vacation that starts in about 4 days will do me a world of good. i just have to focus on that while i work for the next three days at my horrid job. wish me luck.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
