3.31.2006

disturbances.

last night about 12am i heard some shouting in my neighborhood which is usually quiet and peaceful. i walked to the bottom of my driveway and saw 3 people. a man was threatening to kill this other man because he supposely slept with the wife. there was some pushing and then the husband pushed his wife down and i dialed 911. the police patroled the the street and then about 15 minutes later they booked it through my neighborhood with sirens and everything. i hope everything worked out ok.

now my asshole of a landlord is putting in blinds in my apartment and in the meanwhile he is looking through our cabinets and drawers for a knife and then using my windex. when i asked him if the windex was his he stopped and said no and then i told hime how rude it was for him to go through my things. he tried in a lame-ass way to justify it but i squashed it. i think its rude for people to just go through another person's things. am i wrong??

i don't get people who have no manners or common descency.

3.27.2006

out there by the blake babies

You drive around aimlessly.
Don’t know what you hope to see.
You know it’s stupid.

I see you when I pass you by.
I’m afraid to meet your eye.
I know it’s stupid.

You have a voice, you have a phone,
But you’re usually alone.
You know it’s stupid.
I have a body and a brain,
But I turn them off again...again.
I know it’s stupid.

There’s nothin’ to do.I
t’s so hard to talk to you
And people never do what they want to.
I don’t know what and I don’t know where,
But I know it’s out there.
It must be out there somewhere.
I’m gonna leave this place.
Gonna’ leave this life of waste.
Gonna’ put on a new face.

Where was I before?
I’m not there anymore.
Went away and tried to come back.
Maybe I shouldn’t have done that.

There’s nothin’ to do.
It’s so hard to talk to you
And people never do what they want to.
I don’t know what and I don’t know where,
But I know it’s out there.
It must be out there somewhere.

There’s nothin’ to do.
It’s so hard to talk to you
And people never do what they want to.
I don’t know what and I don’t know where.
There’s nothing out there.
It’s not out there anywhere.
I’m gonna’ leave this town.
Gonna’ leave it like I found it.
Gonna’ turn myself around.

3.25.2006

bothered.

i've been feeling a little blue lately. at first i couldn't figure it out mainly cos in my life i have gone through blue periods that i had nothing to be blue about. i don't really now. i have a house, a job, some money, two adorable kitty cats and my parents, friends and someone who loves me and whom i love back. but something is always amiss. maybe its the love that i give and is given to that makes me saddened. this love i think will never go beyond what we have now. i want so much more. i suppose the rainy-ish weather is to blame as well. who knows actually.

online classes start in a week. i'm psyched about it so that it'll keep me busy for a while. i feel so alone sometimes. like i could be sitting next to someone and feel like an island in the middle of the ocean surrounded by nothing but blue. blue ocean, blue sky. inside i feel so alone.

"nobody knows me. god knows they try" 'medicated magdalene' michelle malone

3.23.2006

letters.



so here are two things that i have acquired as of recent:

a stationary basket and a fountain pen box. all in the Victorian style.

so here is a dilemna, who is it that i shall write to?? i suddenly realized that i have no real keeper of my thoughts (besides myself). i did but i think that my membership has lapsed and she has a busy life anyhow. but is that a real excuse for not contacting one's friends? perhaps it is maybe that my life is too lax. i have somewhat an incredible amount of time to putter around writing people. but it is a waste of stamps when people don't write back. sorry to gripe. this knowing makes me sad. i am back to me once again.

3.15.2006

films, part 2.

i saw two more films.

1. Wedding Crashers: lewd and funny. very funny.

2. Imagine You & Me: what can i say about this movie that i didn't love. it was sweet lesbian movie where in this case the girl did ditch her husband for the girl. now when does that ever happen.

it was a sweet romance that followed the typical lesbian romance recipe: str8 girl sees gay girl, str8 girl has infatuated crush on gay girl, gay girl falls for str8 girl, str8 girl tries to deal with feelings for gay girl, str8 girl tells husband about feelings for gay girl, husband leaves str8 girl and str8 girl begins love with gay girl. and somewhere in the middle they kiss and make out. everyone should see this if you are of the GLBT persuasion.

3.14.2006

films.

blue train- john coltrane

films i've watched in the last two days:

1. Rent: it was ok though 45 min into it i got bored and found out that i am not so much into the musical/movie genre, i.e. Chicago.

2. Hustle & Flow: it was good, i think the media hyped it up to be a much better movie than it was. good music though

3. Prime: a cute and funny romantic comedy. i liked it.

4. Two for the Money: a good movie, basically what it boils down to is that one shouldn't try to be someone they are not.

5. Walk the Line: if you don't like country music, you will after seeing this. it's a great movie with great performances and storyline.

6. Lord of War: who knew arms dealing was so crazy and hardcore and a bullshitting kind of job!

3.10.2006

more.

my wish is tobe able to write like the tori amos, sylvia plath, leslea newman, david sedaris and jim carroll. to be able to reach down deep inside to a place that hurts and bleeds and becomes crushingly happy and painstakingly in love. to give the whole truth and nothing else. to live by it and just write out your heart and soul. to give myself, all of myself until there is nothing left and then wring myself out to squeeze out every last drop like a lemon. bitter and sweet and sour. and then after i am all squeezed, i still come out writing more and more. there will always be more. but i don't really need to write like anyone else but myself.

3.09.2006

books.

xm 90's alternative

so here is a debate i heard when watching CNN tonight:
Q: if a man and a woman make a baby through unprotected sex, should the man be able to decide if he wants or doesn't want to support a child?
A: (my answer) i think if you are willing to have sex with a woman, unprotected, then you should have to own up to the consequences that follow. this is a clear consequence of that situation and the result of a man's unmanliness to own up to his mistakes and effects.

ok thats my little political thing. other than that, everything here is ok. work has again resumed at a sloooooooow pace. i'm bored to death of my everyday routine. but all will change as it always does. i have nothing to really share so i will go. aloha!

3.02.2006

the first day back.

[bring me to life]: evanescence

it was a very weird day. i felt like i had to constantly watch my back. make sure i made no mistakes. i still feel hurt and backstabbed and fucked over. i'm extremely sad and thinking those thoughts again. whats the point of all this, if the same results happen in every diff situation??i just don't get it.

3.01.2006

worse to good.

[wash my hands]: meredith brooks

so here are some fun updates: the day after i did get my kick-ass planner from the library. after 6 days or so of sitting around and looking for work, my "job" called me this morning and said that i had my job back. and i start tomorrow. i am happy but a bit hurt and saddenned. this week was a HARDCORE rollercoaster ride.

but i'm ok now. i think i did lose weight with the worrying, stress and depression that hit me all at once. the ride is over and i'm getting off!