atlanta.

i was just reading the online version of creative loafing of Atlanta and i was reminded of all the fun, adventure and heartbreak that i endured while living there. perhaps i can regail my audience with my tales.

i moved there in 1985 or so (but i was born there in 1979) and in my high school years (1993-1997) i would drive to Little 5 or Virginia Highlands (when it was cool) and hang out. i had my outside of school friends who all ended up being punk musicians of some sort. many of my boyfriends were in a band of some sort. i should have tried out but i was way more shy then than i am now. the only one who wanted to try out was Keefe. anyhow, i grew up mostly in Duluth which was about 20-30min north of the city. i had my spots along Peachtree Blvd that i used to go to. Waffle House, a lot of antique stores, HMV music at Lennox Sq., sometimes to UGA in Athens, always Best Buy, Borders (which no longer exists), Gwinnett Place Mall especially the Sanrio store. those were days. i was solitary a lot of the time.

when i graduated i went to Brenau University in Gainesville (an all women's college, which sounded convincing when my college counselour told my parents) and roommed with a weird British gal, Sam which ended in disaster. then i made friends with a girl name Katie (the first gal i slept with) and then she dropped out. the adjoining room that shared the bathroom was Sara, who at the time was timid and a bit square. but she was cool and we hung out all the time. then i fell in love with her. we went everywhere together. so the heartbreak is that. after she returned from NYC she dumped me.

i could say that my life in ATL is bittersweet. i wish i had known myself better when i was in high school. perhaps i would've been happier. mostly what i picture about Atlanta was driving the highways at night. either coming from work in Brookhaven or driving to Gainesville. or just driving around at night to think. i picture the long stretch of road, the lights of other cars, bulidings, highway lights (especially in Peachtree Corners). yeah its bittersweet. but i learned and experienced life that is sometimes good and bad but one does learn.

a bientot!

boredom.

TEN FAVORITES
1. televison show: Law and Order, Queer Eye, Trauma Life in the ER, What Not to Wear, Real Time
2. flower: plumeria, roses
3. color: black, blue, red, purple
4. sport: soccer
5. mall: Ala Moana, Queen Kaahumanu
6. music: anything except for country/religious/or bitch rap/hip-hop
7. food: anything asian
8. season: autumn
9. animal: penguins, cats
10. country: the US or France

TEN FACTS
1. hometown: Duluth, GA
2. hair color: natural brown
3. hair length: halfway down mmy back
4. hair style: straight
5. eye color: light blue
6. shoe size: 9 or 10 depending on the shoe
7. mood: contente
8. orientation: lesbian
9. available?: nope, not since 2001
10. lefty/righty: righty, yo

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE
1. have you ever been in love: yes
2. do you believe in love: yes, i'm a closet romantic
3. why did your last relationship fail: i cheated.
4. have you ever been heartbroken: yes
5. have you ever broken someone's heart: yes
6. there is no number six
7. have you ever loved someone but never told them: nope
8. are you afraid of commitment: nope
9. have you ever kissed someone you liked: yes
10. have you ever had a secret admirer: i think so

TEN THINGS: THIS OR THAT
1. love or lust: love
2. hard liquor or beer: no alcohol please (unless its for cocktails)
3. night or day: night
4. one night stands or relationships: relationships
5. televison or internet: tv
6. pepsi or coke: pepsi (i'm a caffeine junkie)
7. wild night out or romantic night in: romantic
8. colored pictures or black and white pictures: black and white
9. phone or in person: either
10. aim or myspace: AIM

TEN HAVE YOU EVER
1. have you ever been caught sneaking out: no
2. have you ever skinny dipped: no
3. have you ever done something you regret: yes
4. have you ever bungee jumped: nope
5. have you ever been on a house boat: yes
6. have you ever finished an entire jaw breaker: yes
7. have you ever wanted someone so badly it hurt: yes, haven't we all!?!
8. have you ever kissed someone you shouldn't: yes
9. have you ever been caught by your parents with a hickey?: in high school
10. no number 10

TEN EMOTIONS
1. are you missing someone right now: yes, my parents
2. are you happy: nowadays, for the most part
3. are you talking to anyone right now: was to my dad
4. are you bored: yeah
5. are you german: no
6. are you irish: no
7. are you french: 100%
8. are you Italian: no
9. are your parents still married: 30 years and counting.
10. do you like someone right now: i like everyone!

heaven.

[heaven] los lonely boys

this song reminds me of lying somewhere in the sun with a cool breeze brushing your face. too much island life i suppose. there are many who do not have a grassy place to lie down. perhaps on the carpet in one's house with the window open. its so mellow.

i was thinking about doing a summer and winter compilation that i would send out or at least a top whatever music that i dig. if anyone wants a copy then comment me. i'm trying to fill up my time with music stuffs.

as for the personal, i am ding extremely well. i couldn't be happier. though it feels as if i'm living in the oven of hell, its so HOT. i suppose its typical for this time of the year. everything seems to have fallen into place so i'm psyched. in other great news, France qualified for the 2nd round winning 2:0 against Togo. and my vacation is in 2 months!!!!!!! i suppose it is quite unlikely that France may win the Cup but i'm not giving up.

a bientot!

la vie.

j'ai voulez ecrire en francias parce-que je voule le faire. peut-etre pas tout le blog mes je vais essayer. maintenant ma vie vas tres tres bien. je suis heureuse avec elle. la place ou je ne suis pas contente et le travail. je me fait vraiment malheureux. bientot je voudrais changes mon cariere et je voudrais travailler dans un bibliotheque!

sinons, a tout a l'heure!

a bientot!

p.s. i'm in a french speaking mode now. http://dictionary.reference.com/translate/text.html go here for translations! France vs. Switzerland: 0-0

reflections.

i do have to confess that after watching the loving love scene in "Its In the Water" and listening to this song that i've been hung up on my first. i hurt her a lot as i have so many other women that i've loved. i think that i try to sabotage my happiness so that i can pay for the hurt i've caused. i know that things between my first and i will never be again. i had my chance at 19. i know that she doesn't want anything to do with me. all i can romanticize is the brief time we had together when i was the happiest with a woman. we loved each other so greatly and purely. she loved me purely. i miss having someone looking at me the way she did or finding me beautiful and sexy. desireble. i miss that look. i threw it all away. for nothing and immaturity. so i'd like to scream a thousand sorry's to all i've loved: Sara, Andrea and the other.


Reflections by Diana Ross and the Supremes

Through the mirror of my mind
Time after time
I see reflections of you and me

Reflections of,
The way life used to be
Reflections of,
The love you took from me

Oh, I'm all alone now
No love to shield me
Try in a world that's...
A distorted reality

Happiness you... took from me
And left me alone
With only memories
Through the mirror of my mind
Through each tear that I've cried
Reflects the hurt I can't control

'Cause although you're gone
I keep holdin' on
To the happy times
Ooh, when you were mine

As I peer through the window
Of lost time
Looking over my yesterdays
And all the love I gave all in vain


All the love
All the love that I've wasted
All those tears
All the tears that I've tasted
All in vain

Through the hollow of my tears
I see a dream that's lost
From the hurt,
That you have caused
Everywhere I turn,
Seems like everything I see
Reflects the love that used to be

In you I put
All my faith and trust
And right before my eyes
My world has turned to dust

After all the nights
I sat alone on wept
Just a handfull of promises
Are all that's left, of loving you

Reflections of,
The way life used to be
Reflections of,
The love you took from me
In you I put, all my faith and trust
And right before my eyes
My world has turned to dust

how.

the last few days i've had some things going on in my head. i'm soon to be going through some life changing things so bare with me as i try to figure all of it out. life can be so all-consuming sometimes and it can get pretty crazy.

it seems most of my friends are married and having babies. i am still in the eternal non-baby and non-marriage category, for 6yrs now. thats one of the things that heavily weighs. one day it will change.

as for the fun, fun stuff going on: the 2006 FIFA World Cup Soccer is upon us again. i am going for the French team so we'll see what happens. if they don't do well, i can always watch the 1998 FIFA World Cup when they beat Brazil to win the cup. you know i have the DVD!

and if all else fails...rock it out!

haunted by poe

Ba da pa pa ba da pa pa...

Come here
Pretty please
Can you tell me where I am
You won't you say something
I need to get my bearings
I'm lost
And the shadows keep on changing

And I'm haunted
By the lives that I have loved
And actions I have hated
I'm haunted
By the lives that wove the web
Inside my haunted head

Ba da pa pa ba da pa pa...

Don't cry,
There's always a way
Here in November in this house of leaves
We'll pray
Please, I know it's hard to believe
To see a perfect forest
Through so many splintered trees
You and me
And these shadows keep on changing

And I'm haunted
By the lives that I have loved
And actions I have hated
I'm haunted
By the promises I've made
And others I have broken
I'm haunted
By the lives that wove the web
Inside my haunted head

Hallways... always
I'll always want you
I'll always need you
I'll always love you
And I will always miss you

Ba da pa pa ba da pa pa...

Come here
No I won't say please
One more look at the ghost
Before I'm gonna make it leave
Come hereI've got the pieces here
Time to gather up the splinters
Build a casket for my tears

I'm haunted
(By the lives that I have loved)
I'm haunted
(By the promises I've made)
I'm haunted
By the hallways in this tiny room
The echos there of me and you
The voices that are carrying this tune

Ba da pa pa...