[mood]: blah, i have work in about 1hr 15 min
[music]: misfit- the murmurs
i don't really have a true purpose in what i'm going to write or what my theme is. sometimes though when you talk to someone about gender roles and issues and then you sit and think on your own, it can turn everything upside down. it always amazes me when i talk to someone with a brain and we can have a real conversation. i'm also always amazed when i see lesbians out and about with their gf's. i think its cute. it draws me in. it;s not so much fun when you're partly closeted. it sucks. la vie est terrible apres ca!
i'm kinda lost when i don't know how to think or what i mean. i am walking around numb and disappointed towards a a mindless existence. i know i could somehow pull myself out of this mess and change. but how do i do that to begin with? and if i do, do that then how to i escape the wrath that awaits me at home??
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confessions by me, a 27yr old french lesbian, introverted and flirtacious, deliciously quiet and painstakingly romantic
3 comments:
I really don't think a person can pull herself up from any existence. I've been trying for a decade now, ever since I woke up and realized there was a world out there that I had been sheltered from throughout my entire childhood. I'm still trying to catch up on the things I've missed. I feel like my mind is five years behind knowing what it should, but my body is five years older than it is. And 1.5 years away from 30 freaks me out. I feel like I haven't done anything with my life. I'm at the point where I'm convinced this state of mind never ends. But logic tells me that it will, just as soon as I actually accomplish something, like final finishing that first novel, whose 150 pages are weeping for the last 150.
I haven't given up on someday...
p.s. Coldplay's new album is awesome.
the change will come when you want it so badly that whatever awaits you on the other side is more tempting than the current existence. scary and unknown, but some courage and determination and you'll be fine.
im always here.
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