the beginning of an end.

[mood]: blah
[music]: meet me in the dark- melissa etheridge

last nights "talk" was saddening. things have changed a little, enough for me to be perplexed and upset by. i don't know what i'm doing anymore or if i have enough in me to give and feel. i suppose that you can say that for the past few years i have been meandering between happiness and sadness. a rollercoaster ride of emotion of soaring through the air uphill and then dropping just as quickley to a low. i'm joust completely exhausted.

i don't know how i can explain it in a way to show that this is something different and not a feeling that i've really felt. it sounds as if its something that i've felt or lived with already. in a way yes and in a way no. just remember that i used to be such a kick-ass chick and now i have left her in the gutter along with everything i used to be. i know i've changed and what i have left is the me now. love was my answer on why i was here and then laughter followed. i was in disbelief and still am.

don't leave any crazy comments because i am not playing the'woe is me' card. i need to just get this out of my head. i'll be damned either way. but i need to take my chances. whatever the consequence may be i have to be who i am. whomever that is. i am still me deep deep deep down inside.

a bientot.

p.s. the photo is of Waikiki beach. that i took in late september