i was there.

[music]: i know what kind of love this is- the nields

so in my mind, the relationship has gone from bad to worse. not that there is a concern to be made about yelling, fighting, hitting, etc. its a serene atmostphere. no loud voices, nothing of that nature. in my mind i am irritated and hurt and my whole self has been neglected. intimacy is but a memory. making love is just a memory. i crave that look in her face which she used to give me. but all the keeps playing in my mind is that long ago conversation we had when i was told that she was not gay. thats the answer to all of these tortured questions and thoughts inside my head. i know she isn't like me. she doesn't crave me as i do her. she doesn't do a lot of things that i do.

don't feel bad for me. don't feel anything at all cos its just me venting and nothing needs to come back to me. i am mostly irritated at myself for not leaving years ago. for not standing up sooner and getting what i wanted. i know the logical thing is to go and move and never look back. i think that this has been something i haven't wanted to face or see. the truth. the truth is that this isn't it.

a bientot!