KARMA by Alicia Keys

Weren't you the one who said that you don't want me anymore,
And how you need your space, and give the keys back to your door?
And how I cried and tried and tried to make you stay with me.
But still you said that love was gone and that I had to leave.

(Now you)
{Talkin' 'bout a family.}
(Now you)
{Sayin' I complete your dream.}
(Now you)
{Sayin' I'm your everything.}
{You're confusing me, what you say to me.}

Don't play with me, don't play with me.

'Cause

(What goes around comes around;
What goes up must come down.)
Now who's cryin,' desirin' to come back to me?
(What goes around comes around;
What goes up must come down.)
Now who's cryin,' desirin' to come back?

I remember when
I was sittin' home alone,
Waitin' for you
'Til three o'clock in the morn.

And when you came home you'd always had some sorry excuse,
And explainin' to me, like I'm was some kind of a fool.
I sacrificed the things I wanted to do things for you.
But when it's time to do for me, you never come through.

(Now you)
{Wanna be a part of me.}
(Now you)
{Have so much to say to me.}
(Now you)
{Wanna make time for me.}
{What you do to me, you're confusin' me.}

Don't play with me, don't play with me.

'Cause

(What goes around comes around;
What goes up must come down.)
Now who's cryin,' desirin' to come back to me?
(What goes around comes around;
What goes up must come down.)
Now who's cryin,' desirin' to come back?

I remember when I was sittin' home alone,
Waitin' for you
'Til three o'clock in the morn,
Night after night, knowin' somethin' goin' on.
Wasn't home before I be goin', goin' gone.

Lord knows it wasn't easy, believe me.
Never thought you'd be the one that would deceive me
And never do what you supposed to do.
No need to hose me, fool, 'cause I'm over you.

'Cause

(What goes around comes around;
What goes up must come down.)
Now who's cryin,' desirin' to come back to me?
(What goes around comes around;
What goes up must come down.)
Gotta stop tryin' to come back to me.

(What goes around comes around;
What goes up must come down.)
It's called karma, baby,
And it goes around.

(What goes around comes around;
What goes up must come down.)
Now who's cryin,' desirin' to come back to me?

restless night part 3.

[music]: here come the sun- the beatles

i'm sitting here while downloading beatles music. its so very nostalgic and just a great band. i'm on a real music kick these days to occupy my time. and i am filling up my ipod at a fast pace. i'm trying to cover up a lot of things that are weighing on my mind. i've been listening to Metallica lately and wearing all black and rocking out. after listening to Metallica, i get this i wanna kick some ass feeling and it gets me a real adrenaline high. like i'm some bad ass chick. when i'm not. not really. i'm a quiet gal who is pensive but silly once you get to know me. sometimes when i listen to music i just get in inside of me like its flowing through my veins and i am one with it. i just want to be part of something real and passionate. i want passion. i want lust. i want someone to find me amazing, esp. from the person that matters the most to me. if others can see it....then why is it ignored?? these and other things are weighing heavily. what am i to do?

the only thing that stays the same is change.

i'm restless again. its hard to be content at a time when you know that in less than 2wks you will be going on vacation away from your normal life. away from EVERYTHING. it will be a nice time to just clear my head after i get well. being sick kinda sucks. there is much to think about these days. i don't know why loyalties have to be so hard to break esp when ones loyalty has been sorely tested and thrown aside and then retested again and then that same process over and over again. why do things have to be so hard??? anyhow...i'm so excited about my vaca. i'm going to Portland for 2 of those days too. yeah!

later.

btw, HAVE A GREAT NEW YEAR ALL!!! 2006!!!

romance.

i was watching yet another episode of Sex and the City (an almost Tuesday night ritual) and it was so romantic and heartwarming. if i could make love cds for all that have romanced me, either with gestures or promises with words, i would. it isn't fair that i only have one heart to love someone wholly. what if one is loving the person that they know and knows them but they meet someone who could be almost perfect? the guilt would kill me. anyhow, i'm in a sentimental mood now. if you ever watch the episode "i heart ny" then you'll see and know how i feel. or you can check out "moon river" by henry mancini. love, love, love. almost slips away as soon as you catch it.

break your heart.

break your heart/ natalie merchant

People down-cast in despair
See the dis-illusion everywhere
Hoping their bad luck will change
It's a little harder everyday

People struggle, people fight
For the simple pleasures in their life
The trouble comes from everywhere
It's a little more than you can bear

I know that it will hurt
I know that it will break your heart
The way things are
The way they've been
And the way they've always been

People shallow, self-absorbed
See them push and shove for their rewards
I, me, my is on their minds
You can read about it in their eyes

People ruthless, people cruel
The damage that some people do
Full of hatred, full of pride
It's enough to make you lose your mind

I know that it will hurt
I know that it will break your heart
The way things are
And the way they've been

I know that it will hurt
I know that it will break your heart
The way things are
And the way they've been

Don't spread the discontent
Don't spread the lies
Don't make the same mistakes
With your own life

You never will let love survive

I know that it will hurt
I know that it will break your heart
The way things are
And the way they've been

Don't spread the discontent
Don't spread the lies
Don't make the same mistakes
In your own life

And don't disrespect yourself
Don't lose your pride
And don't think everybody's gonna choose your side

Oh no...

so i got to go.

i'm turning my back on my past that i wanted to reopen but found too hurtfull to do so. i'm not going to do that anymore. what door is closed needs to stay closed. forever. its over, its done, its my past and in my near future i am nearly happy. for once i am almost 100% happy with life. with love, me and life. its all mine to conquer and share and live up. the girl i was 5-10yrs ago is gone to another place behind a closed door that squeaks when opened. now i will nail it shut like a coffin and bury it under photographs and movies. then i'll burn it all as it burned a hole in my heart. well the fire inside is out and the ashes glow and as i heal from the inside, the fire will soon burn out completely and i'll be the new me. like a phoenix. i'll rise out of the ashes.

where will you run to?

today i finished my 2 Alternative Rock cd's volumes 19 ands 20. i had to something with myself on my sick day. i have extreme cramping going on in my tummy and its causing some funky things to happen and way too personal to share. here at least. i am ok otherwise. tomorrow i go to the doctor and hopefully its just extreme anxiety. we'll see. other than that all is ok. talk to you all soon!

a bientot!