change my mind.

[mood]: ok but kinda lazy
[music]: never my love- the association

so the run down of the last week was this, me doing most if not all of the work at work. 4-5 days of working and closing alone is not great. if some individuals would actually show up then that would be a grand thing! work just suck anyhow. i was ready to quit numerous times this week. people at work seriously need to back off.

today i woke up early, 9:30am (that's early for me), and dropped my bike off to get it repaired and i went to the library and went back to pick up my bike, all in an hour period. and let me just say that people here do not know how to drive! it's so irritating. then i lounged about and fell asleep. well its my day off so there.

i'm kinda of a dorky, boring, low-key person these days.

health.

[mood]: ok
[music]: bad reputation- joan jett

here is my health update, i am fully 100% healthy. i don't have any funky things swimming around in my body. but the only thing is that me anemia is meanadering between perfect iron count and less than. so there is...

more laters.

social silence.

this is about the poem, below, by Sarah Jones that i heard on the show, Art and Outrage on TRIO tonight. it is banned due to a its controversial nature...read the portion below...

BACKGROUND INFO: The FCC proposed a $7,000 fine against non commercial kboo-fm in Portland, OR for broadcasting the song "Your Revolution" which the commission says contains "unmistakable patently offensive sexual references."Kboo-fm counters that its mission is to provide a forum for "unpopular, controversial neglected perspective," and that "Your Revolution" is "a feminist attack on attempts to equate political revolution with promiscuous sex" - the opening lyric is, "Your revolution will not happen between these thighs" - and thus is not indecent. The FCC rejected that argument and has given kboo-fm 30 days to respond.
The move has, of course, forced other non commercial and otherwise progressive radio broadcasters to ban their programmers from playing the song. Thus, permanently silencing one of the most important feminist hip hop songs of the last decade from ever reaching fm listeners. This is a heavy-handed blow from the FCC against the First Ammendment rights of the citizens of the United States, positive Hip Hop artists, and anyone striving for increased equality for women in this country or worldwide.

i don't really know what entitles people the right to say what is decent or not. that these so-called religious and right-wing people are so convinced that they have the right to decide for others. none of these groups are saints nor are they free of skeletons. religious groups have been condemned with child sexual abuse and molestation and of money laundering. right-wingers are condemned with issues as money laundering, illegal activities and just for being stupid moron bigots. how are these people supposed to be the moral leaders if they themselves connot live by what they say?

also on the sam show, they were doing a story on a play called Corpus Christi (according to the Post, would recount the life of Jesus from a gay perspective-and Jesus would have sex with his apostles!) that was on its way of being banned. an image that was shown was of a heavily-bulit man carrying a sign that said, GAY- G: Got, A: AIDS, Y: Yet? this really really really irked me. i've gotten past the dyke and fag thing a bit but who are these people to decide for everyone or to say what is right or wrong. are we not in a free nation where we are allowed to be free thinkers in a free society? what is up with all of this? this goes beyond, can't we just get along, or tolerate. i tolerate the stupid half of the population that happens to always come to the place i work. even the bigoted and rude and mean and cursing jerks and the snobs. this all enrages me.

your revolution.

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cool on your island.

[mood]: i'm about to go to work, need i say more!?!
[music]: world on fire- sarah mclachlan

thank god i have a day off tomorrow! last night i closed by myself cos the new girl had a sick baby. i wasn't too irritated. i'm not exactly thrilled either. i know for sure that sunday i will have to do the same since i'm scheduled to. i need a new job. i keep saying that though. i need a new life altogether.

on the health issue, i find out on monday if i'm severly sick or not. its kinda frightening but i'll have to deal with whatever it is. i try to live one day at a time. i am scared that one day all of my sleeping around i did in high school and college will come back to haunt me. well it partly did when i was 20. well the truth of the matter is that when i was 20, i got pregnant and after a few scared months i got an abortion. i didn't do this half-heartedly. i still think about the regretable things i did. i wonder what an almost 6yr old child of mine would look like. every year i think about it. but i was only 20 and the father was off doing his own thing with another chick and i was broke. so i did what i knew how do to at the time. i regret it. no more unprotected sex for me as well as sleeping with boys.

well....later.

cool.

[mood]: ok but loathing work :(
[music]: smooth- santana ft. rob thomas

i am a bit worried about the results on Monday but i will post it when i know, no matter how painful it may turn out to be. let's hope for the best. if it is the worst, then hopefully it will kick me in the ass to write something great so that a piece of me will live on. but as far as i know i'm still alive.

work is still yuck. there is this new girl that i'm working with who i suspect is gay though i think that she's trying to be closeted about it. i remember those days. even though i'm still kind of there. it sucks to not be 100% of who you are and what you are. you would be a lot happier for it.

well i must get ready to leave soon. more tonight....

as the rush comes.

[mood]: sluggish but hopeful

i went to the doctor yesterday and told of my "problems" and was told to have some blood tests done, so i did that this earlier today. i'm still feeling a little weak-ish after having 4 viles o' blood taken. thank god i can't give blood anymore, though i wish i could cos i have rare blood. other than that i shall have to see how i am by Monday!

in other news...its hot as hell here and very humid. reminds me of Georgia summers that i don't miss to very much. there is a reason why i am still pale after living here for 5yrs.! i don't like sun nor the sweat or sand. i wouldn't mind a nice shaded pool area but not hot beach! plus i give the excuse that i still want to look young-ish when i'm older. alot of people here overtan and have thus turned their skin to a brownish, redish leather-like material. not to mention all the wrinkles. GROSS!

all is well so far. love to all!!

ipod! ipod! ra ra ra

[mood]: very tired and dizzi-ish
[music]: eternal falme- the bangles

today i only worked for about 2 hours when i sent myself home due to almost passing out work. it was hot and i was feeling strange and my legs were wobbly. i knew i could stay so i went home. but mind you, i had to bike ride home almost a mile and partway up a hill. i nearly passed out when i got home. i sat in my chair for a few hours drinking water. but i can't decide if i am ok enough to work tomorrow. we'll see when i awaken.

other than that...all is ok. i looked up a bunch o' lesbian blogs and found interesting ones. should be an exciting read!

laundry duty.

[mood]: tired and again insightful
[music]: emotions- destiny's child

work was very long today though it was only 7 1/2 hours long. but without any kind of break and silence. i am so exhausted again. and the bad thing is that i don't have a day off until Wed. and today is Friday!!?! tired tired tired. i hope that after laundry tonight that i will be able to chill....

he is a thought i had a few hours ago when i was unlocking my bike at work...: imagine a southern belle with a deep sexy southern accent starting a sentence by saying, it was a dark sultry night...

it is so hot and humid. it reminded me of the summer nights in Georgia. after my trip there, i have finally concluded that you juts can't go back to your past. you can't ever go back.

insightful.

i am feeling quite insightful today as last night i wrote a little bit. its not to say that i have a lot to think about or weighing on my mind. i really don't. well...maybe what direction my life should take and questionning all of that. but it isn't. the only thing that i do dread is going to work everyday. yuck! i do not look at my job favorably or living here for thatm matter. but that's my life. i know that i can change it all. but its a lot more complicated that juts packing up my things and leaving. i can't just walk through the door and close it a if nothing has happened for the last 5 yrs.

plus, i honestly do have to say that my head hasn't been right since the accident last July. i can't place my finger on it but nothing's made complete sense to me. not to mention the hardcore bouts of depression that's been popping in and out of life. its been a crazy year. i'm still trying to figure it out if i'm better for it.

later.

journals.

does anyone know how to make journals, and could give me a clue on what materials one uses on them?? Thanks!!

i would do anything.

[mood]: very tired

i have to go to work in a few hours and its quite pointless considering that it'll be a 3 1/2 to 4 hour shift. then i awaken at 6:30am for work and then go to PRIDE afterwards. i am so exhausted. i don't really want to go but i have a feeling that i would regret it if i didn't. i suppose i'll see how i feel tonight.

in other news, i am flip-flopping between the books, "Writing New York" and "Girls Will Be Girls" and "Women of the Beat Generation". i've read the middle one before. its good. the other two are newbies to my collection.

ok...enough for now.

me, few weeks ago 

another new thing.

i have opened this up as a new thing to start fresh and anew. enjoy for new updates!